These Boots Weren't Made For Walking

Mommy took me to the doctor for my 18 month appointment today. I received some very disappointing news.

I learned that I have gained a little weight and am now 21 pounds, 5 ounces. That's the twentieth percentile. I've been eating like a hog to try to get that number up, but it doesn't seem to be working, yet.

More disappointing, though, was the news I received about my height.




I have consistently been in the 90th percentile for height, but I am now down to the 75th percentile at 32.5 inches. I've always been proud of my height and am horrified that I'm not growing as much as I would like.

I saw Mommy's boots after the appointment and decided that if they can make her appear taller, then they should help my height deficiency, too.




Hmmmmm. These things are a lot harder to walk in than I thought.

What the heck is Mommy thinking wearing these devilish stilts?

Other news from my appointment: My doctor is very pleased with the fact that I seem to eat everything put in front of me. He cracked up when he walked in on Mommy changing my diaper, and I was just laying quietly on the table with my hands behind my head. He assumed I must be a mellow kid. Obviously he hasn't heard my loud 'outside voice' yet. (And in case you're wondering - yes, that is an Emmet tail between my hands)

My doctor also said I'm a very late bloomer in the tooth department. I'm still holding onto my front four, and am in no hurry to get any more. He said that means I have 'young bones.' He thinks I have the bones of a 12 month old!

All in all, he said I am "perfect." Well, duh. My mommy, daddy and grandparents don't have medical degrees and they've been telling me that since I was born!

Got Tissue?

Sorry it's been a while since I posted. Mommy says I have this thing called a cold. All I know is that my nose is like a faucet stuck in the 'on' position and that I sound like Darth Vader because I have to breathe through my mouth. It hasn't been much fun, so I haven't give Mommy many great ideas for the blog this week.

I need to thank the Kleenex people for making their tissues feel so soft on my sore little nose.

I need to curse the 'little green sucky thing' people for making something that Mommy sticks up my nose every half hour. Why would anyone invent such a terrible torture device?

One thing that made me feel better was a show I watched last night. And no, it wasn't the Super Bowl. When Mommy told me that Penn State wasn't playing, I lost all interest in that waste of a game.

I'm talking about "Puppy Bowl III" on Animal Planet. I got to watch a bunch of puppies playing around on a football field - what a great show! There were penalties when one puppy was too rough with another, fans 'tail'gating outside the stadium, more penalties when a puppy went potty on the field, shots from the water bowl cam - now that's Must See TV!!

I wish "Puppy Bowl III" was on all the time!!

On another note, please pardon my outfit. Normally I coordinate colors better, but Daddy woke me from my nap and didn't take off my nap pants. My eyes were too watery from the cold to notice!!

Call Me

"Hello? No, I'm not busy. Mommy was just about to take me to the grocery store, but I have time to talk. What's up?"

What's Daddy's work number again?















"Hi, Daddy. It's Charlotte. Can you come home and have another dance party with me?"









Here, Blue Dog. Daddy wants to talk to you.

"Hi, is this Ben's mommy? I was just calling to confirm my playdate with Ben this Wednesday."

I can't even get dinner ready without being interrupted by a phone call!

Justin Timberlake left me a message that he saw my dance video. He wants me to call him back ASAP.

"Hello, Justin Baby?! How are you? ... Of course I'll be in your next video ... Give my love to Cameron ... Oh, sorry, I hadn't heard ... OK, have your people talk to my people."

You Can Dance If You Want To

I LOVE to dance. Dance, dance, dance. I'll dance to anything, but I especially love to shake my groove thing to Justin Timberlake songs. Mommy said that Beyonce is holding auditions for backup dancers - here is my audition video, set to Justin Timberlake.





Can you tell that I choreographed it all by myself?

Baby, It's Cold Inside

Here it is - the moment everyone in New York and Paris has been waiting for!

Behind this peek-a-boo I am hiding my 2007 Winter Line of Toddler Jammies.

TA - DA!!

For the toddler who refuses to wear a hat outside, even when Mommy begs, I have designed an expertly color coordinated pajama set complete with mittens and hat for indoor wear.

You can look cute and be toasty warm when you're inside, looking out the window wondering if it will ever snow.

My PJ set is so comfortable that you'll want to wear it around the house all morning. By the time your mommy wants to take you out of the house to run errands, you can tell her that you shouldn't have to wear any hats or mittens again since you wore them all morning long - tell her your head needs to breathe.

While stylish and warm, my jammies are not convenient for dexterity.

Now I must go to create my next line of toddler clothes. A designer's work is never done.

Captured!!

On July 30, 2006, my mug appeared on the TV show "America's Most Wanted." The police wanted me on multiple charges. In case your Tivo didn't pick up that episode, here's a quick refresher:

http://charlottesweblink.blogspot.com/2006/07/americas-most-wanted.html

Emmet (the convict that I helped to escape) and I had been on the lam for months when a very cranky pug named Trixie turned us in. We were sent immediately to the clink.



As you can see, I quickly tired of my cellmate. Emmet is now serving time in a maximum security pugitentiary.

As for me, I am currently in solitary confinement until I can learn how to use an "inside voice" - apparently my loud voice disturbs the other inmates.

Hopefully they'll give me a haircut when I get out of isolation.

Day Two in the Big House

They brought me out of solitary confinement and threw me back in a cell with Emmet. As part of my punishment for being loud, they informed me that I had to stay in the cell with Emmet (who is experiencing 'tinkle' issues because of the stress of being locked up - hence, the diaper.) So now I am adjusting to prison life with an unruly, diaper clad pug who snores like a...well, like a pug. How I manage to look cute despite all of this is amazing.

See you in three to five.

Operation: Bye, Bye Paci

Everyone has been asking Mommy how I've been doing since my pacifier disappeared from my crib last week. The first night didn't go too well - I woke up around midnight crying because I couldn't find it. Mommy came in to help soothe me back to sleep, but I wasn't falling for her trick easily. I kept her up for another two hours to let her know that I wasn't happy about the loss of dear paci. My intent was to stay up all night in protest, but I was exhausted and finally fell asleep without getting my beautiful binky back. I guess Mommy is more stubborn than I am.
Since that fateful night, I have not looked back. I have slept like a baby Charlotte ever since.


To make up for not having something to put in my mouth in the crib, Mommy has been giving me other yummy things to put in my mouth. The best paci replacement so far has been the beaters that Mommy used to make cookies today.

I wish I had Emmet's tongue - that way it would be long enough to wrap around all parts of this beater. I will not rest until it is spotless!

After I was finished polishing the beater, Mommy asked me if I missed my paci.

Paci? What paci?

Pacifier

Dec 2005 - Jan 2007

R.I.P.

Kobayashi's Competition

Hi. My name is Charlotte Elise. I am an eat-a-holic.

I love to eat so much that I am going to start training to be a member of the International Federation of Competitive Eating. Mommy and Daddy watch competitive eating on ESPN - the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest, the Grilled Cheese Challenge, the Valentine's Day Massacre (chocolate eating contest)... I don't know if there is a mac and cheese challenge, but I'm going to train just in case. Every eater has his own technique and strategy...

The spoon just isn't working for me. I think I'll skip the utensils and shove the mac in with my hands.

I'm so good at this that I even ate the plate!

I need to be serious about training if I'm going to beat Kobayashi from Japan. He is the number one rated eater and is undefeated. There are a ton of marshmallows in this bag, but I'm determined to eat them all quickly.

Wolfie, I could be disqualified for this at an eating competition, but I'll give you a marshmallow just because you're cute.

Hmmmm. Maybe you'd be good at this competitive eating thing, too. I wonder if dogs could enter. I bet you'd give Kobayashi a run for his money.

Ooooooooooh! There's a grape eating contest, too? Forget the marshmallows and mac n cheese - sign me up for that one!

I think I ate one marshmallow too many. Maybe I should hold off on this competitive eating thing for a little while. My belly just can't hold as much as a grown-up's can.

Alright, pugs! Just because I've retired doesn't mean you can slack off! The hot dog eating contest is in six months - let's get eating!!

Happy Birthday, Cousin Drew!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO DREW,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO DREW,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO, WELL, DREW,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO DREW!!!



One year ago today, a pesty but cute little boy who likes to tug my hair and get teeth quicker than I do entered our family.

We've come a long way, baby.

Have a great first birthday, Drewbie. I can't wait for your party!!

The Year of the Dog

I, Charlotte Elise, do hereby declare 2007 The Year of the Dog.

Mommy says that according to the Chinese horoscope, the Year of the Dog ends in mid-February. I have decided to extend the Year of the Dog to include all 12 months of 2007 (besides, the Year of the Pig starts in February. Who needs that? How cuddly and fun to hug could a pig be?!)

In the Year of the Dog, it is essential for everyone to...

...give a bear hug to every dog you encounter

...help a dog look cute and beg for food in the kitchen



...help a dog stay clean by bathing him (if he doesn't like baths, a simple wipe-down with a paper towel is sufficient)


...let a sleeping dog lie

...referee meal times so that each dog can enjoy his own meal in peace



...take a dog on a walk, even if it is just around the kitchen

...let all dogs know you love them, even if he is a stuffed breed


...offer lots of nutritious snacks (including those from the toilet paper food group)




...provide plenty of structured games for your dogs to play together (and then scream really loudly to let them know they're getting too rowdy)




Happy New Dog Year!!!